In four years of being single, I have been on more dates than I can count. Sadly, most of them left me wishing I were at home watching Dr. Phil reruns, and complaining about what I wish he HAD done over brunch with my single friends.

Men like to think women are extremely complicated, and for the most part we are, but if we agreed to a first date with you, we are secretly hoping there will be a second. And it’s far more fun to brag to our girlfriends about how amazing the date was, rather than admit yet another potential suitor has bitten the dust.

I do not claim to be an expert. But I am a single woman who has turned down 101 second dates. I do have a circle of attractive single female friends who share their bad dates with me. Oh, and I have experienced some magical second dates as a result of men who followed what I am about to share with you.

Dress to Impress

It is a known fact that women dress to impress other women, as men often don’t notice shoes, accessories, details, etc. But whether you notice hers is irrelevant, because she WILL notice yours. Don’t wear ragged shoes, a wrinkled shirt, or for goodness sakes, a black belt with brown shoes. If you aren’t sure where you measure on the style meter, get the opinion of a female friend. A man with style exudes confidence, and we love a confident man.

Devise a Creative Plan

The best date I have ever been on started with an early in the week phone call telling me to wear a black dress and be ready at 7 p.m. My initial thought was to protest, “Don’t tell me what to do!” But as the day drew closer, I was practically jumping out of my skin with anticipation and my friends were so jealous.

Getting in the car with a man who asks open-ended questions about the plan and lets us make all the decisions not only appears powerless, it’s terribly boring. Sorry. Women are constantly thinking, worrying, over-analyzing and making decisions so take the lead and have a plan we simply have to follow. If she protests your choices, she’s too spoiled. Trust me; the right woman will secretly worship you for taking control so we don’t have to.

Be Attentive

We understand you are a man therefore not the best at getting on our level. But take a moment to compliment her outfit, ask questions about her life. We understand there are other attractive women in the world, but on a first date, please keep the wandering eye intact.

Engage in Conversation

Chirping crickets is the best way to ensure you never see this woman again. Did you know that men will rarely date a less than average woman because she’s funny, but women do it ALL the time? We love a man who makes us laugh, stimulates our mind, and if physical attributes are not your strong suit, here is your chance to make her forget that your forehead is too big.

Make the Date Fun

I never hear rave reviews from friends about a man who bragged on his professional achievements all night, no matter how successful he might be. But I do have to listen to a two-hour recap about the man who made her laugh all night. One of my favorite date moments was a man who re-enacted an argument with another person using sugar caddies and salt/pepper shakers on the table to play out the scene. Playful and funny makes you non-threatening, which in turn makes us feel comfortable, which equals a desire to see you again.

Be Challenging

Dating is a game, we all know that. Those who don’t know, or refuse to play, usually remain single. I am not suggesting a man should follow silly phone call time limits or act not interested when he is. What I am saying is to make sure you stay in control of your emotions, do not smother her too soon, and for Pete’s sake, only call once and let her return the call. There is nothing worse than a man who ruins the first date by calling too much before the second, which means there will NEVER be a third.

And we all know what happens if you get that third date.