Friendlationships

I’m very convinced of it being an explicit sign of weakness.

This ever-increasing dating phenomenon dubbed “Friendlationships” is making us the opposite of strong. If you still have no idea what this is, you’re either married or exempt from needing to hear the following (though, technically I suppose you could be neck deep in a foggy Friendlationship and simply not be aware of the term/label). Regardless, this whole business just needs to stop.

A Friendlationship is a relationship between two people that is stuck haphazardly in a Bermuda Triangle type limbo between a committed romantic relationship and a friendship. The two people hang out exclusively, flirt often, and avoid at all costs acknowledging exactly what is happening between them (usually in order to escape the decision to commit, or just commitment itself).

It’s a juvenile, vague, drama-producing state of operating that you’d likely see in any show airing either directly before or after Smallville.

You can approach the guilty parties about it, take one of them aside and go, “Hey dude, what’s with you and Tracy?” but inevitably the response you get will be a shrugged off reply, a dodgy response, or the played out “Ah, we’re just talkin’ man.” No. No no no. You are not just talking. You are avoiding talking, and it needs to stop this instant.

Friendlationships are built on indistinctness. Blurry parameters. Ill-defined intentions. Everything is unsaid, unexpressed, and hazy. This is to be expected in a younger teenage crowd (with whom this form of “dating” is most popular) but if you’re old enough to buy alcohol, then you ought to know better than cultivating a romance you have decided nothing about.

Here’s the problem (one of them anyway) – it’s not manly. I don’t mean manly in the sense of stubble so sharp you can grate cheese on it “manly”, I mean manly in the sense of knowing who the hell you are, what you want in life and being responsible. Not committing, being lazy, and just shirking the responsibility of leading the relationship is weak.

Don’t give women any more reasons to be frustrated with us.

On top of that, it’s misleading. By the end of a Friendlationship, someone will be upset and hurt because no one was honest. Then, there’s that unspoken animosity that forms  between the two involved which has a term of its own, “Frienemies” – and that just makes group bowling uncomfortable for everyone involved.  Don’t lead her on and don’t lead yourself on.

To jettison this semi-awkward and entirely unnecessary practice in your life, do the following:

MAKE A DECISION

No, really. Men make decisions, like landing on the moon or shooting Jeff Daniels in the leg (Keanu Reeves reference). In short, you have to commit. Yeah, I just went there. You are either going to date this woman or you are going to be friends and not send flirtatious text messages every five seconds. But, what if you don’t know whether to take the next step or move back?

FIGURE IT OUT

The answer isn’t going to kick you in the balls to get your attention – you have to find it. Take a walk and think about the situation. Is she someone you respect and could see yourself in a relationship with? Do you have a fantastic time hanging out with her?

If you still don’t know, cut the flirting and hang out in groups. Don’t string each other along if you’re unsure. Also, you really get to know someone when you see them around their best friends.

COMMITT

Follow through on your decision and have a dreaded DTR (Define The Relationship) talk. Face to face. Phone, text, or Facebook conversations don’t count. Let her down easy, define the terms of the friendship, or nut up and invite her to dinner using the word “date” very distinctly.

Be honest, be strong, and for Heaven’s sake…be a man.