Avoiding the Friend Zone

Being male, having a pulse – those are probably the only requirements you need to look at every single female who smiles your way as a potential date. So, why should female friends be excluded? They shouldn’t – and they’re not. Well, not to us.

But, Women don’t look at it like we do. They don’t march all their male friends across their mind and give a thumbs up or down to each one. And it’s not like we’re looking at our girl buddies as a serious choice to agonizingly make after an all night obsessive search for self-truth and guidance. Nine times out of ten, it takes all of a few seconds to think, Hmm, what about Julie? Nah.

Naturally, there comes that moment when we run the numbers and decide that maybe our friend Anna could be more than our friend Anna. Then we take that blind leap and make a move, or perhaps suggest a date.

And just so you’re prepared, know that they’re not kidding when they get that deer in headlights look and say, “I never thought about it before…” because they honestly haven’t. Bringing up the topic with several women, I found that they feel betrayed when a guy friend wants to shed the friend role in favor of something more romantic. “Here is a guy,” they claim, “who we finally don’t have to worry about being hit on by when we’re around him. We can be comfortable. We can relax.” So, how do you avoid that stigma and make the move from friends to something more?

Get it Right the First Time

Women thrive off of that initial impression you make. If it’s not coated in charm or mystery, then you’re dumped into that over populated prison endearingly called “the Friend Zone”. Flash your smile and keep a check on where the conversation goes. If you start getting into how their weekend was, double back immediately. Friends want to know how the other is doing, while dates want to know who the other IS. Make the questions about her, make them bold and whatever you do, don’t mention the weather.

Be Unavailable

Friends are there for each other. If she’s calling you because her mother is too busy to talk and you’ve got the day off, that’s not a good sign. Don’t respond to her texts like you’ve been eagerly awaiting them all day, even though you have. Wait until later that night, or even the next day. If you see her calling, don’t struggle to answer it. Live your life first. If you’re eating, tell her you’ll call back. She’s going to be the one eagerly waiting for your texts and is going to be curious about what you meant when you said you were busy. Curiosity builds interest.

Make a Move

Even if it’s just a little flirting. Some light teasing and touching her arm when you make a comment goes a long way to define you as something other than a friend. And if you’ve already been labeled as a friend? Make a move anyway.

If you really like this girl and want to pursue a date with her, man up and be honest face-to-face. Forget the phone, forget forging a “date” by hanging out one-on-one in the evening. Tell her you like her and be ready for any answer. Chances are, even if she says she never thought about it, she will now and “my friend Jake” turns into, “this guy Jake…”