An Apple A Day Keeps the ZocDoc Away

When I call my doctor’s office to schedule an appointment, I get an overwhelming urge to gouge my eyes out with something blunt and rusty while watching “The View” as a 300-pound Amazon woman repeatedly kicks me in the balls.

We dread calling our doctors’ offices and long for the day when we won’t have to deal with the less-than-pleasant “ray of mother effin’ sunshine” on the other end of the phone, right?

Guess what.

That day has arrived.

ZocDoc is a free service that allows patients to book appointments online, giving them more free time to do more important things, like stalk hotties on Facebook.

Thanks to the efficiency of ZocDoc, you can now look at porn, order a pizza and schedule an appointment to clear up that venereal disease you contracted during your bachelor party in Vegas all in the same amount of time it takes to shotgun a beer!

It’s crazy, I know, but check this out:

ZocDoc was created in 2007 by Cyrus Massoumi, CEO and Founder, when he ruptured his eardrum during a flight. He was unable to find a doctor for three days, and it was during this time that he came up with the idea for ZocDoc. Looking back at his own experience, he wanted to create an easy solution to locate quality healthcare as quickly as possible.

The service has experienced rapid growth and has proven to offer doctors, patients and schedulers alike an efficient way to conquer an oftentimes mundane task.

How does it work?

1. Find a Doctor: Search by your insurance and location and read other patients’ reviews.
2. Choose a Time: Their doctors guarantee that they’ll see you at the time you’ve chosen.
3. See the Doctor: Get the care you need — when you need it.

Karsten Vagner, Director of Communications for ZocDoc, says the service is great for a variety of reasons:

• Doctors are able to see more patients
• People who don’t have doctors can find them easily by insurance and neighborhood
• Schedulers will no longer have to spend large chunks of time concentrating on scheduling patients

My thought: If I become a scheduler/medical assistant in my next life, I plan on using the extra time for “sexting” hotties who have an obsession with the Bedazzler. Don’t judge.

While ZocDoc is only available in NYC, Washington, D.C. and San Francisco, people who visit the site can vote on the next location of ZocDoc by following this link. If you know of any top quality doctors in ZocDoc’s three main cities, you can send an email to nominate@zocdoc.com.

With a service like ZocDoc, I plan on eliminating apples from my diet. Forever.

Here’s to catching something non-fatal!